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How to Become a Hoarder


Welcome back to Dorie's Stories {devotional} Blog!!!

I'm writing this blog post in January. I took down my Christmas decorations already which I list as an accomplishment if I do it before February rolls around. To be accurate, my husband took down all the decorations. My contribution was taking the ornaments off our Christmas tree so I don't know why I'm bragging about it.

For this post, I wrote a brand new devotional story that will be featured in my upcoming next book! This story was inspired by this time of the new year when we make resolutions, we promise to get fit or get organized or to be nicer to people. Things like that.

From a future chapter from my currently unnamed next book . . .

Chapter ?: How to Become a Hoarder

The start of a new year is probably the only time on the calendar that I get the urge to buy organizational products. I think, 'yes...plastic tubs will help me. I just need more tubs in my life. That is what has been missing. It's the only reason I'm not organized.' Then, I buy the latest label maker. I don't know what I am labeling with this, but it feels like something I should buy at the beginning of a new year. I can't help it if the second law of thermodynamics says something about everything tending toward chaos. If anyone doubts this law of physics is true, they should take a look at my pantry. My pantry is a jungle of canned goods and condiments and chip bags with chip clips and stale crackers and dried cranberries, and chewy granola bars no one eats and those plastic canisters with old, mislabeled cereal in them because one day I thought I needed plastic canisters so I could look organized. Pantry mayhem is a common issue, but I have a secret bad habit when it comes to paperwork that might allow me to write a guide on how to start the art of hoarding. This is how it happens:

step 1: A pile of paperwork forms on kitchen counter. It looks messy.

Solve the messy problem by putting the paperwork into a plastic shopping bag and throw it behind a chair in bedroom.

step 2: Another pile forms on my counter. Repeat step 1.

step 3: Repeat steps 1 and 2 until the plastic shopping bags begin to topple behind chair.

step 4: Put the shopping bags inside a large trash bag to stop the toppling of smaller bags.

step 5: Repeat steps 1-4 until large trash bags start to topple behind the chair in the bedroom.

step 6: Put the large trash bags into a plastic tub and put tub in attic.

step 7: Repeat steps 1-6 until attic is full of plastic tubs of paperwork and move with them to the next home. This system is not one I recommend if you want a happy marriage. Some of you will be relieved to know that my husband forced me to get down to two tubs the last time we moved. I'm sure I will be going through them by our next move. The problem might be that all organizational books are written by organized people. Their brains are just wired that way. I bet their brains even look neat and organized, like a mainframe computer. I am convinced that my brain is covered in sticky notes. My husband brought home a book for me called, Organizing for your Brain Type, which does an assessment of your brain's organizational type and then gives organizational tips for that type of brain.

I scored on the furthest end of the organizational spectrum. My "tips" included a filing system involving one box with just the year written on it -- without a lid. The lid, the book said, would never come off the box and my brain type would just lay the paperwork on top of the lid. This may be true. I need a clean slate. I think that's why many people like the new year. Even though technically nothing changes on January 1st in relation to any other day, there is something about it being brand new, a beginning, a fresh start that brings excitement and new hope. Isaiah 43:19 has been on my heart during this season of newness. "For I am about to do something new. See, I have already begun! Do you not see it? I will make a pathway through the wilderness. I will create rivers in the dry wasteland."

Isaiah 43:19 The context of this verse is that Isaiah was delivering God's message of hope to the Israelites after they had been defeated and were exiled to Babylon. First, God reminded them of how He rescued them from the Egyptians the last time by parting the Red Sea, and then He encouraged them saying that this time He wants to do something new and fresh. I love how He says He will "create rivers in the dry wasteland" because it implies that there doesn't even have to be an existing sea to part...He can create something new that He can use to redeem them.

These verses were written about the Israelites' redemption, but there are also implications that Isaiah is foreshadowing the "new" thing God did to redeem us all many years later on the cross: His greatest rescue mission. I believe God wants to do something new in our lives. He wants to do new miracles. He wants us to discover the newness of a life in Him. He wants to give us a clean slate that He can write new things on.

Maybe He has a giant label maker He will use for that.

Reflect & Journal: Are you facing what seems to be an impossible situation or feel lost in a dry or chaotic place? Let God do a new thing in your life. Trust Him to create rivers in the desert for you and do the impossible things that are keeping you from experiencing His redeeming love. Write "God is doing a NEW THING in me!" below and make a list of what new things you want God to do in you this season.

. . .

I hope you enjoyed the devotional excerpt! Feel free to share it with someone you think would enjoy a devotional story involving hoarding techniques, label makers, and how God wants to do something new in our lives.

Here’s the link to share:

With hope & joy, Dorie Mclemore

P.s. next time, I’m planning to post another devotional story excerpt from my book, Hope Looks Good on You! A Comedian's Joy-inducing Daily Devotional for Women. Make sure you are subscribed at the link above to get the notification in your inbox!

To purchase a copy of the full devotional book, click below:

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